When Crying Becomes The Norm

Well, I have officially moved into my new place in Fort Stockton, Texas. The past four days have been an emotional roller coaster. I have been on every spectrum from incredibly high happiness to the pits of lonely sadness. I miss my home. I miss my friends. It's crazy that my whole entire life, I have been working for this moment of moving on, the moment of being an adult...but why..?

Adult life is really hard. There's an incredible amount of pressure to not screw up, to have a budget and stick to it (that's really hard), and to take care of everything else that happens. So when I moved in, I was on this high happiness right? Then my parents left and I found myself with no working air conditioner, no working stove, a back fence that doesn't latch and a whole bunch of sadness.

I can't count the number of times that I have cried and pleaded with God to please provide me with friends and that I am not making a mistake. I don't know how many tears have flowed and sped down my face because I have felt this overwhelming feeling of sadness.

But great things continue to happen still and I have been able to still produce a smile on my face even though that I have absolutely no friends and the only people I know is one janitor at my school, the principal and my landlord. So although I don't have friends at this moment, I know that God has prepared me to be here. There is some strange reason why I am here right now. I don't know why that is but I am excited and nervous and sad.

Moving is not easy. This is the first time that I have ever moved. This is the first time that I have been farther than 15 minutes from home. Thankfully, this isn't forever. I know that days will be incredibly hard but when I'm in my classroom, when I think about my future kids, when I think about what the Lord has planned for me, it's not so sad anymore. :)

I am excited for this time in life. I would appreciate your prayers and good thoughts/vibes as I am making this new transition in life. #teachingwithKV

Teaching with KV

It has been 7 months since I have written on this blog, so hey. Long time no talk. So here's the thing, in the past 7 months, life has been a for real whirlwind. 

Student Teaching was seriously the best experience ever... I can't even describe the feeling that you get when a student wants to know about your personal life. It's weird that you get so invested in their life and then suddenly, they want to know what you do on the weekends and what you do at night time. Here's an example of a good conversation:

Student: Ms. Vernon, what are you doing tonight?

Me: Sleeping.

Student: That's it?

Me: Absolutely.

The best thing about that response was that it was true. Teaching is exhausting but it is so rewarding when students want to know more about the history that you are teaching or about the things that are happening in your life. It's awesome. I like it... a lot. 

So then, in the middle of student teaching, a week before spring break, I had my second first rib removed which was terrible but has relieved so much pain! It's been more than four months since I had my second rib removed and it's just an awesome time. I haven't felt this happy or healthy in a very long time. Like four years. SO FREAKIN CHEERS TO THAT.

I only had like a few weeks after surgery till graduation and so much happened in that time period. First, I was accepted to Merrimack College to study Higher Education Administration with an emphasis in Student Development. My first week back to school after surgery, I was supposed to have interviews in order to get an assistantship that would pay for schooling. Do you ever just get the feeling that you aren't supposed to do something/be there/do that? And it's obviously God being like, "yo, Katie, uhhh...not now." So, I postponed grad school (which I didn't even know was a thing but there's a better word for it) and decided that teaching, for now, is my life calling.

So there I am, not having interviews, applying for every job and it's a week before graduation - I get certified to teach and nail down 2 interviews. And there I am, Friday, May 8th, accepting a job before May 9th, graduation.

So here I am, starting over, again. I never knew this blog would ever keep the name "Starting Over" and that it would continually ring true. Yet, I am now moving away from a town that I have known for 22 years. Fort Stockton will become my new home and my new place to live and work and do life and community. I am excited to teach history to a bunch of kiddos and hopefully teach them a little bit about life as well. 

If you are at all interested in my next adventures in life... I am going to try and blog more (hahaha) but also, my hashtag for this new life adventure is: #TeachingWithKV

Thanks for reading. :)

Chronic Pain is Back

This week has been a week of ups and downs. First, I passed my PPR test to become a certified teacher. Although I have one more test to pass, I am very happy that I am halfway there to becoming certified. It's exciting and scary all at once.

However, that news was smack down in the middle of being diagnosed with Thoracic Outlet Syndrome, again. 

I feel angry. I am angry with God because I don't understand what TOS has anything to do with furthering the kingdom of God. I am angry because I just had elbow surgery and it is likely that the elbow surgery was not needed because once again, I have TOS. I am angry that I have to go down the road of chronic pain and rib removal all over again. And frankly, I am angry because I just don't have time for a chronic pain diagnosis.

Chronic pain, as I have learned, changes me. That makes me angry because not many 20 year old's can resonate with chronic pain. Not many 20 year old's understand how hard it is to get out of bed in the morning when the pain is too much. Not many understand what it's like to feel alone in the way that I do. It's hard. 

I will be the first to admit that I am afraid. I am afraid of surgery again. I am afraid of recovery. I am afraid that this surgery will be another one that doesn't work and I'll have to have another surgery. I am afraid of my chronic pain because I don't like the person I become. I am afraid because I am angry, so angry, with God. 

So if you read this, I just ask that you pray. Pray for my heart to be softened as I want a relationship with Christ. I want to feel his presence and warmth. I want to understand. I don't want to hurt. I want to be okay and healthy. And I just can't understand why God would make my body, or anyone else's body like this. Pray that there is a better solution other than surgery as I don't want to go under the knife for the fifth time. Please just pray for me. And my family as this isn't easy on them either.

Thank you.

For Love Of The Game

Okay, I'll admit it. I hate Jeter. Okay, I still hate Jeter. However, I love baseball. I always have. I have met great baseball players in my lifetime including Ron Washington and Derek Holland. I also had dinner with Pudge Rodriguez for two hours and that was a beautiful day. So you could say I am a huge Rangers fan. So, I automatically despise everything to do with the Yankees. Including Derek Jeter.

I always thought Derek Jeter had this pompous, arrogant attitude about him and honestly, I hated it. I still do. He knows he is good. I guess that;s why he get paid the big bucks. However, despite how good he is, I can't stand the guy. I don't know why. He's awesome. He's talented. And honestly, if I were to see him walking down the street - I'd probably ask him for his autograph.

This year, I changed my views on DJ. I realize that he is a class act. And more importantly, DJ and I have some things in common. Derek Jeter retired from the game that he loved this season. I know that he has probably gone to bed many night exhausted and cried himself to sleep because - honestly, who in their right mind would give up the game they love. Yet, sometimes you know it's over. Sometimes you have to give it all up.

The funny thing, Derek, is that I get you. Time caught up with you. You had a successful career. You were one of the few people who can look back and say to yourself, "I made it!" Unlike some of us whose careers ended at the age of 17, Derek, you had the life that I will never have. You played the game because you loved the game. I love you for that. I love you for playing baseball. I love you for loving the game and giving 100% every time on that field. You didn't care about the money - you cared about the game.

Derek, I look forward to seeing where life takes you from here. You'll probably become a great manager or something. But even if you step away from baseball for good, know that you have a closet fan rooting for you. I never gave you the respect  you deserved. But you played the game damn well and you should be proud.

Your Story Matters

A year ago, I made up my mind to run for student body president. When campaigns began, I was confident in my platform. I wanted to bring change to this campus. Unfortunately, I lost. I was upset. I was angry. I was frustrated in something that I had worked very hard on.

A year ago, I was under the impression that the only way that changes could be made on campus was by being Student Body President.

Today, I made a change on campus without being student body president. I made a change on campus without having to ask anyone's permission. I made a change on campus by being a small, moving part to a Student Activities Committee.

Today, we observed, for probably the first time in campus history...World Suicide Prevention Day. We had an event during the last 10 minutes of chapel where we informed people about world suicide prevention day. We showed a video. And then I was invited on stage to share my heart.

Normally, college students are hard to keep quiet. They don't necessarily care about what is happening in Chapel...and for 10 minutes, no one said a word. The entire place was silent - listening intently to my heart which soon rang true for their hearts too.

Afterwards, I invited students to walk outside, grab a sharpie from our table, and write Love on their arms. Needless to say, sometimes events at HPU are hit and miss. I had already made up my mind that only a handful of students would participate. I was preparing myself for the worse yet as I walked outside, I wasn't even aware of where our table was set up because there were so many people.

I am in awe of the hearts on this campus who have listened to the call that Jesus Christ has put in our lives. I am in awe that people were interested in being informed about suicide.

All these jumbled thoughts to say that you don't have to be president to make things happen. You don't have to be a leader on campus to make things happen. You just have to want change. You just have to need change. You just have to be the change you want to see.

And if you are someone who struggles with suicide, know that you are loved. And that no one can take your place. Your story matters.

Binding Up The Wounds

Pain sucks.

I've experienced an enormous amount of pain in my life. From physical to emotional - surgery to death - I've experienced a lot compared to some 21 year olds. Yet, I feel like I haven't compared to others.

Tonight, I wanted to put pain in perspective. As a Christian, I find myself struggling with the weight of always wanting to be okay and wanting to be real. However, last year, if any resident was having a rough time and struggling with not being okay, I would simply say, "It's okay to not be okay." Yet, I can't seem to take my own advice.

My pain today is different. I watched someone I love dearly find out that someone that they love dearly was murdered. I didn't know pain until today. I didn't know what it was like to feel like your heart is being ripped out when the situation had nothing to do with me. I didn't know what it felt like to watch someone bawl their eyes out so hard that they are just out of it and done. I didn't know pain until today. 

It makes me think about my mom. My mom is an extremely incredible person. Yet, anytime I have been in pain she has always said that she feels it too. However, I never understood that/believed her. I basically lashed out any time she said that because there was no way that she was hurting like I was. Today, I apologized to my mom for being a terrible human being. Today, I understand and comprehend that pain beyond belief.

Then I think about Jesus and I can't imagine or fathom the amount of pain He endured while getting beaten on that cross. I will never have any idea. Yet, I see His sacrifice and love so much more now. I see that He truly truly truly wanted our sins to be paid for. I don't get it. I don't understand. And I sit here in unbelief that God could let something like this happen - I am reminded that sometimes, He's ready for us to come home. 

So here's to pain and all the joy that tomorrow brings.

Psalm 147:3

He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.

Unworthy Not Worthless: God's Masterpieces

So tonight, I wanted to write about my favorite book in the Bible...Ephesians. I love the way Paul talks so intimately about how God has adopted us into his FAMILY. Gosh, that gives me goosebumps.

Something I also love is this verse...

For we are God's masterpiece.

Man! That gets to me. 

It drives me nuts, especially in this day in time, that the media needs women to be slim and fit and they need men with six packs and tan bodies...when we are all unique. WE ARE GOD'S MASTERPIECES! Yet, we critique ourselves. We call ourselves ugly. We are constantly trying to change ourselves...change our appearances...pray we are skinnier, tanner, or looking for the next fad. When God made us beautiful. God made us into masterpieces.

My encouragement to all of us is to remember that the God that made us does not make mistakes. He made us flawless...in His own image.

So the next time you think about looking in a mirror to critique yourself, remember not to bash the art of the greatest artist of all time.

Love yourself...Love how God made you. 

Take It From Me: Advice From A Tattooed Twenty-Something

Sooo... For those of you who don't know - I love tattoos. My parents however are not fans. Obviously, everyone who has tattoos knows that you quickly want more after the first and the second. I've had people "give me advice" on how to hide it from my family. Here are their tips.

1) just don't tell them.
- done. Easy enough right?

2) don't post them on social media
-  once again - done. Seems easy.

3) get them in a place where they won't see them
- ding, ding, ding - we have a winner.

Obviously, option number 3 seems the best right?

Let me give you my two cents. I have been tempted to in fact, get a tattoo where my parents couldn't see it. Maybe on my ribs, on my back, or on my foot. However, you never know when something is going to happen.

Recently, I had elbow surgery and the staples made it very uncomfortable to move my arm so I didn't. So yes, my mom had to bathe me. This is where those sneaky tattoos come into place. Luckily, I didn't go and get anymore tattoos. So I didn't have to hide anything. Dodged a bullet there.

Take it from me, wait until you've graduated college, moved far away, and are a functioning member of society to get a tattoo :)

Katie Meets Her Husband: Derek Holland (Ron Washington was there too)

So...the past few days have been absolutely crazy and I am overwhelmed. Yesterday, one of my biggest dreams came true and I was about to meet a hero of mine, Ron Washington of the Texas Rangers.

So this is how that happened, I was cruising on Facebook one day and obviously I am the biggest Rangers fan so I obviously liked their facebook page. So anyway, I saw that they were having this banquet type thing that was happening and Ron Washington was going to be there. So I nonchalantly sent the link to my mom and asked if we could go. A couple of days later, we were sent the letter and it was official, I would be meeting Ron Washington AND Derek Holland.

Not only was this my Christmas present but it was also my One Year Anniversary celebration since I had my rib removed. It was such a cool way to celebrate.

We arrived at the Rangers Ballpark at 5:45 and there was only about 50 people were there. We waited for about 15 minutes for them to let us in and then we got to go into the stadium. Now, mind you, anytime i enter rangers stadium, I get the chills. It's one of my favorite places to be. But last night, I was overwhelmed by the grand awesomeness that it was. First, there were only 150 of us in the whole entire stadium. It was so surreal because we are use to at least 30,000. There were no crowds, no lines, and it was super quiet. Next, we into the Capital One Suite (talk about pretty stinking sweeet) and there was Ron and Derek standing there for pictures.

Now, I would like to pretend that i held myself together pretty well. I would like to pretend and say that i was calm cool and collected. However, unfortunately, i was not. I was absolutely freaking out and it was awesome. Ron thought i was precious. So we had our picture taken with them and Derek had some pretty awesome hair.



Then we had the best steak I have ever had in my life. And I have this problem where I don't eat steak...I usually will not touch it but last night, I did. And it was so good. Derek and Ron were interviewed and we were able to ask questions.

I asked Derek, "So uhm, is that like your natural hair? Because I've seen you on tv and your hair doesn't look like that? I'm just a little concerned."

And he answered, "This is actually my lego hair. No, just kidding. Yes, this is my real hair. I have naturally curly hair."

Which basically means that we are meant for each other. Our poor kids will have BIG HAIR ISSUES. It'll be fine. We don't have to talk about it.

It was a great night. I had the best time. It was a great ending to a horribly awesome semester. And an awesome way to celebrate the removal of my rib. Life is good. And Ron Washington is my favorite. Soon, you will all meet my fiancé, Derek.

One Semester Closer

So what does acupuncture, stress, friends and work have to do with anything? Mainly, it means that this semester is finally complete. And I passed Spanish 3 with a "B" which is some sort of miracle that I can't even explain.

This semester has been filled with some much joy that I can't even begin to explain. I have never clicked so quickly with three different girls in my life that made them my best friends. (Ashley, Kaiti and Mikayla -- if ya'll are reading this, I am so thankful for you)

I couldn't imagine a better friend than Allyson either. I am so thankful for her in my life. She has been there through thick and thin. She's the coolest. I would do anything for that kid.

This semester, I have finally decided what I want to do with my life so if I didn't accomplish anything else (which I think I might have), I have decided that I am going to pursue my masters in Student Affairs and become a Resident Director. I am stoked. For the past few months, I have been looking at this website that posts jobs for Higher Education jobs and it's awesome just to see the potential future that I could have. I feel that God has given me the passion to inspire people. And if I never become a Resident Director, I will be okay because I will inspire people some other way. And that just makes me super giddy and excited about life. God is pretty cool.

And shoutout to my mentor, Francie, who has pushed me to follow my dreams. And for being my friend even when I'm in a terrible mood.

Also this semester, I became way too overly involved. Which made my life that much more stressful and awesome. I have met so many different people and have gotten to work with so many different people -- it's been awesome. I've been mentored by some of the greatest people at HPU. I love it.

I also got the cool opportunity to be an RA this semester and will be one again next semester. Most days are simple. I get to hang out with my residents and take them out to eat or just talk about life. Other times, my life is so chaotic that I don't get to hangout with them as much as I would like. And that makes me feel like I suck at my job.

I like that in those moments of suckage that God shows me just how much I don't suck in His eyes. Those moments are golden and precious. I hold them close to my heart. He reminds me that I am unworthy of so much but that when He died for me, He thought that my life was priceless. He's so good to me.

There was heartbreak as well this semester. I watched people struggle with mental health issues and that hurt my heart. I watched myself struggle with self worth and not ever believing I was good enough.

God is cool though with reminding me that I (and all of his children) are His masterpieces. And He is never through making masterpieces out of us.

So, in conclusion. First semester of Junior year was hard. Not going to lie or butter it up at all. But I am one semester closer to following through with my dreams. I am excited and happy and stoked for the future and what the good Lord holds.

Life is good. Stress be gone.

Here's to the FUTURE AHHHHH

I miss the simplicity of life when I was a kid.

Like, when I would fall down and scrape my leg, my mom would hug me and kiss the boo boo and everything would be okay...

I miss that.

Especially as a 20 year old and my mom can't kiss the boo boo's anymore. (I mean, I guess she could but I don't believe that that actually works unfortunately)

As I sit in a house, babysitting a dog, watching boy meets world and working on Spanish homework, I start thinking about my life. More importantly...the future.

In a few months, my junior year of college will officially be completed. It's crazy to think that I will be a senior in college in a matter of months. I will begin the applying to teaching jobs process. I will begin applying to grad schools. I will begin searching for apartments. I will begin slowly moving my life away from a town I've known for 21 years.

I know God has put a passion in me to work with students and I'm thankful that I know that that is my passion and that God allowed me to experience that passion through something I love: softball. I am blessed to have the opportunity to work for the Kingdom each and every day. I can't help but be a little afraid of what the future might hold though.

I think about how I'm going to afford everything.
I think about the responsibility of eventually owning a dog :)
I think about the lives that will be impacting me.
I think about moving from Bangs, TX, a town I've lived in my entire, to somewhere new and big.
I think about the kids I will be coaching.

And I'm so scared and nervous. My parents will stay here. My mom won't be there to hug me when it's been an awful day. My mom won't be there to take me to the doctor when my shoulder is acting up. I'm going to have to do this all by myself?

I'm always floored by the peace that Christ brings though. Even as I'm sitting here writing about my fears, I am overwhelmed by a steady and strong peace that only Jesus Christ bring.

I am so thankful for that. I am so thankful that I don't have to walk through my whole life by myself. I am thankful that Christ is more than I will ever need. I am thankful I never have to walk in the dark because Jesus has brought so much light.

The thing about trusting God is...His plan is perfect. And I have absolutely nothing to fear.

Here's to the future. *takes a deep breath and takes sip of dr. pepper*

Dreamland

So life has been interesting lately. Well, my dream life anyway.

I've always found dreams interesting. Not like that I believe that they actually tell you anything about life but they do.

Ok, I may not totally believe that but I sort of do.

Let me give you an example...my freshman year of college, I kept having this dream that I was pregnant. And every night, I kept having dreams that I was pregnant. Not only is that weird but my mom dreamt I was pregnant too. That's completely weird. So I looked up what being pregnant in dreams mean...and it actually means that change is about to happen. Honestly, when I read that, I wanted to just be done. I didn't want change. I don't like change. But what's really weird, change did happen. And once the "change" was over, I had a dream that I had the baby. Weird, right?

So I haven't dreamed about being pregnant since then...until last night. Now I don't know what kind of baby i'm going to birth this time but I am not the least bit excited. I hate change. I don't like it. My dream was that I was telling a good friend of mine that I was pregnant and she was really upset with me. I love this friend so much and she was so disappointed in me.

                   So maybe my dream is about my totally unrealistic fear about disappointing people...

Not only did I have my pregnant dream this week but I also had a nightmare that I was murdered. Not only was a murdered but also kidnapped. GAH.

So, there's a staff member at Howard Payne that I really enjoy talking too and I usually tell her about my life and she was the mastermind. And also, my best friend works for her. And SHE WAS IN ON IN TOO. They kidnapped me from my RA job, threw me in the back of her jeep, and then discussed what they were going to do with my body once they killed me. Then they killed me.

So I am not sure what this means and honestly I was not about to look up what that one meant because it can't mean anything good. So if I die soon, look for Ashley and Francie. ;)

Other than that, life has gotten so busy and crazy.

Currently, I am the co-chair for Spring Sing Committee, PR for SAC, an RA, the Chief Supreme Court Justice and an Intern for my church. And not only that, but I was actually just diagnosed with some neck, back, spine problems that I am going to physical therapy for. Like I have time for all of this going on but hey, life is good. And God is wonderful.

And I'm so stoked for the future. :)

We need more Jennie Finch's

So since my blog is called "Starting Over" -- I thought I would start by saying that there are a lot of things that I would love to start over on. Some I have been given the chance to but others, unfortunately, I will never be able to start over.

For instance, my passion.

My goal from a very young age was to play for the US Olympic softball team. I knew that at four years old, I was going to accomplish that goal.

Yet, here I am.

There's this saying that God has given us all talents that we use to bring Him glory. I completely agree and understand that statement. Unfortunately, I didn't realize this. Even after becoming a Christian, I thought I worked my faith into the game but it was just obvious that I wasn't. I could talk about God all I wanted but to actually give glory to God for something I did...no. I didn't ever do that. So as God does, He sometimes takes things away just to show how powerful He is.

Needless to say, I will never be an Olympic softball player.

But that doesn't mean that some other little girl couldn't. Except, it does. Since 2008, girls all over the world have not been given the opportunity to play Olympic softball because it's been dropped. For the first time since then, softball and baseball are back in the pool at actually become a sport.

Not only is this a huge for me but also for the millions of girls that play softball.

So I am asking you to do something. I am asking you to back softball. I am asking you to become educated. I am asking you to give girls a chance. I am asking you to vote to put softball and baseball back in the Olympics.

If you don't listen to me...listen to a gold medalist...

http://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/olympics/2013/09/02/jennie-finch-why-softball-should-be-in-olympics/2756255/

I don't know about you but I feel we need more Jennie Finch's in the world. We can make that happen.

The big vote happens on Sunday. Praying that girls actually have a chance.

And Exhale

Sometimes I don't deal with things very well. For example, when I'm having a really bad day, you will know. It will be written all over my face. You will know that my day has sucked by my attitude and actions.

Sometimes I just don't deal well. So this summer, I got some really awesome advice. I was told that when things got to be too much that I just need to breathe.

And that's worked up until this point.

Many people know that I had a rib out and if you don't...where have you been? I had a rib out because a very important nerve by the shoulder was entrapped so basically, blood was not being pumped effectively to my left arm. My hand was constantly numb and tingly. My elbow hurt a lot. My shoulder killed me. I got no relief. No pain pill, muscle relaxer, steroid, or cortisone shot could stop the pain. Nothing. So, I had a rib out.

Here we are 8 and 1/2 months later, no pain. Until Monday. I had a flare up this week. Flare ups can be caused by a number of things ranging from something simple like sleeping on my arm wrong to something very serious such as stress management (have I mentioned I don't deal well?). Any number of things could of caused my flare but you could say I've been freaking out. And I haven't been able to "just breathe".

I honestly don't think that I hurt it too seriously but all these thoughts began running through my mind that I did hurt myself again. My biggest fear at this moment is that I am going to have to go back under the knife. And my stress level from that is off the chart.

I am not afraid of surgery. My rib surgery was the third surgery I've had in my life. Yes, I'm only twenty and I've already had three different surgeries...let's not think about that. So to say that I fear surgery is not correct. My fear is recovery. I had a really bad experience during recovery. I was allergic to the medicine they gave me. So long story short, I threw up a lot. A lot. A lot. And when you have had a breathing tube put in you; you tend to be very sore the next few weeks and so the heaving to throw up was the absolute worse.

So all of these fears are running through my mind. And I have a job to worry about. I have school to worry about. School that I can't miss. School that I want to excel in and apply myself in. A job that I want to excel in. A job that I want to love.

Basically, this pain couldn't come at a worse time.

And as you can imagine, my relationship with Christ has also taken a huge blow. First, let me express how thankful I am that anytime I do something wrong, Christ doesn't just disown me like I sometimes do to Him. It's a good thing when He was on the Cross and being abused past the point of recognition that He didn't just say, "You know, God, I don't think I want to do this anymore." My pain is simple. It's in the shoulder. No one is sitting here whipping me, nailing me to a cross, and abusing me past the point of recognition.

When in pain, when I can't deal, my first instinct is to shut down. You can ask a number of people and they will tell you that this is what I tend to do. I tend to distant myself from anyone and everyone who cares about me, including Christ.

As I am having pain at the very moment I am writing this, my first instinct is to not to thank God for who He is but ask "why me?"

I feel God is so distant in these times. But it's totally me. My prayer life has been inconsistent, my quiet time has been inconsistent, my reading has been inconsistent and I wonder why I am feeling so down and alone. And in pain?

Sometimes, as Christians, I feel that we think God is a distant God that doesn't care about us. Maybe that's a little drastic but sometimes, I feel like my hopes, dreams, fears and pain are too little for God to care. But that thought is totally bogus. It's something that the devil plants into our head so that we will continue to be INCONSISTENT.

When in actuality, God is a loving and near God. He WANTS us to literally come to Him for everything. Every single thing. To have a God that loves us that much kind of blows my stinking mind every single day. I didn't do a thing to get that privilege or that love.

"The Lord hears his people when they call to him for help. He rescues them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the BROKENHEARTED; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed." Psalm 34:17 -18

 

So if you are like me and you are struggling to find God's goodness during the trials and the pain -- I encourage you to rest in that verse and the truth in that. He is always here for us.

 

I also always encourage you to just breathe.

 

 



                                                                                                 Don't forget to EXHALE.





"The Thrill Of A Lifetime"

It's Sunday. I'm in Texas. Life is good.
A little over a week ago, I took my first solo flight to California. This was my first time to fly at all since 9/11. So TSA and that whole process with security really quite scared me...bad. So, I got to the airport at like 8 Saturday morning. I was exhausted from not sleeping the night before but I was stoked, nevertheless. Security was a breeze. I thought that the workers would be rude and stuck up - they were neither. I had a few conversations with the security guys and they were awesome. And super helpful. So I was stuck sitting at the airport till my flight took off.

I think that was honestly my favorite part of flying: people watching. I mean some of the things that people wear to the airport to sit on a plane. I mean, yeah, I was looking for a husband too. But I was definitely in a huge tshirt, shorts, tall socks and slides. And of course, I was rocking the visor.

I had prayed the day before that God would put a good looking, Jesus lover in the seat next to me. I want to say that I was joking but unfortunately, I wasn't. I was really hoping I'd have one of those awesomely romantic stories about meeting my husband on a plane.

It didn't happen. I got seated by a very quiet, elderly lady. I guess that was okay. :)

I landed in San Diego at 11. I had already gone through that hour in Texas so I was a little confused. San Diego was packed busy. That weekend they were hosting the ever famous Comic-Con. I was hoping to see Nathan Fillion but we all know how my luck works. But I did see a lot of veryyy interesting people. Many who were dressed in costumes and I found something very interesting...there were these "Christians" on the side of the road yelling at these people that they were going to Hell because of this whole Comic-Con thing.

Talk about dumb.

Anyway, so we didn't do anything that day. I was exhausted.

But on Sunday we went to SeaPort Village and that was sick. I loved it. But who would have thought that it would be so stinking cold in California? I had (okay, I didn't HAVE to) to buy a sweatshirt. Because, I of course, was wearing shorts and a light tshirt. I'm a Texan...we wear that every day!

My parents arrived later that day. And we didn't do too much after that.
As you can see, we are all about resting during vacation.

Monday, we went to my favorite place ever: TARGET.

I picked up some school supplies and spent way too much money. Typical.

Tuesday, we went to SeaWorld. I hadn't been to sea world in forever and it was so cool. I figured out my calling in life is to be a Shamu trainer. (This is real life)

It was beautiful to see those killer whales doing all those tricks. And it was a beautiful day outside. I also got sunburned while wearing sunscreen. White Girl Problems.

Wednesday we went to the beach. I love the beach. The second you get there and you smell the salt and fish smell - it just feels like home. Unfortunately, the water was freezing. I still got to boogie board (body surf) and regular surf as well. It was so good to be back on the water again. I got swallowed up by waves multiple times but it was so fun.

I also, once again, got super duper sunburned.

Thursday, we went to the zoo. I saw a baby giraffe nursing with it's mom. SO SO SO precious. God is so cool. I also got to see a panda, polar bear, and elephants. That was an awesome day. And yeah, I got sunburned.

Friday, we played skipbo and I got to meet up with one of my friends at Howard Payne! We had snowcones!! Rachael, if you read this, thanks! You rock! And then we went to my aunt and uncles where my uncle made steak that we put in burritos.

Yes, I broke my one rule about not eating steak. (That's a story for a different day...I'm definitely not a vegetarian though I that is what you are thinking. Although, I have thought about trying to be one. Then I remember I really really really like meat. :) )

Then Saturday morning, I flew home.

This trip to California really solidified something for me though. It solidified that I have a strong liking for the culture there. They need Jesus. I don't know where God will lead me to in life but I do know that there is a strong pull to go to California. The people are so awesome. Even those that don't know or love Jesus. I love conversing with them. (One conversation happened while waiting for my plane that was delayed)

It was a great vacation. I look forward to RA training coming up and meeting all of my girls. I'm ready to get back in the swing of school......I think. Although, I really am not looking forward to the whole "school" thing. I am ready to get back to my friends.

My Life - In A Nut Shell - Starting Over.

I haven't blogged in a real real long time. So my apologies...I will try and do better with this one. Starting over. That's a good word for what has been going down in my life.

First off, God is really good.
My life has changed dramatically in the last year. The grace I have received is more than I could ever ask for. How God could take the person I was and totally transform my thoughts and heart - it's been a whirlwind of a ride. I am so thankful for the slight change of heart and the want to be a better follower of Christ. I fail. A lot. I suck at life. It isn't my strong point but what I don't suck at is having my future secured forever. I owe it all to Christ.

Second off, I've made some physical changes too.
Like in the last year, I've had a rib taken out. Awesome right? And it's so cool to see God use that to help other people with TOS. TOS is very close to my heart and I hope someday - it will not exist. So many people struggle with it and it is totally preventable if we just become educated.

That was rant of the day.

This summer has been so super challenging for me. I've had to deal with a lot more than I ever expected. This summer, I was on Summer Staff at Howard Payne University. Basically, we help facilitate all the camps that come to campus during the summer. It's been an awesome job and probably the best part was watching a lot of campers come to know Christ. And although I wasn't directly or even at all involved with their salvations...it's been awesome to see salvations. It's been awesome to pray for the high schoolers, middle schoolers, and elementary students who came to know Jesus.

The camps have not only been good for the campers but good for me as well. I've learned a lot about myself through the different worship services and different speakers that come through. I think one of the most sentimental things I have heard came from this week. The speaker said, "God and Satan have one thing in common..." and at first, I was really skeptical. I was like... "look, bro. I know you are from DBU and think that it's okay to say something like that - but it's not ok."  For those of you who know me in real life - you can actually probably see me get my sassy pants on...but he continued. "God and Satan have one thing in common...they are both ferociously passionate for your heart."

And man, how true that is. God has already won the battle. Jesus said, "It is finished" and it was finished. But how true it is that the devil is still after our hearts. The devil is a tool. And he has used my weaknesses this summer to get me. He is such a tool. He makes me doubt my faith. He makes me doubt my God. He makes me angry, sad, and depressed. BUT GOD IS SO MUCH BIGGER. I've watched Him work His magic each and every day I have been in this town this summer. I've seen myself molded into the person I have wanted to be for a long time...I have seen Him work in the lives of my coworkers. I have seen Him work in the lives of my friends. It's just been awesome.

Another thing that I did this summer was get another tattoo. *Pauses for the gasps from readers*
Let's go over the thoughts you may be thinking...
1) Since when does Katie have more than ONE tattoo?
2) Her family will kill her.

And you are right on both accounts.
My parents are not thrilled. Especially my father...so that's fun. Sometimes I wish so hard that I wasn't an only child so I wasn't the ONLY one screwing up the "perfect" family portrait we have standardized in our household. That's a blog for a different day, though.

SO...now let's discuss the tattoos.
I have one of my right shoulder that says: "Believe" in cursive. I think it has changed meanings since I got it. I got this tattoo my freshman year of college. I was just coming out of an amazing softball program where that was the entire saying for the season. I ended up giving up softball once I got into college - so I knew I wanted something on my body forever that reminded me of softball. So believe it was. I think now it means so much more. Believing for me is hard. It's hard to believe. It's hard to believe (although I do believe it with all my heart) that Jesus would die for my sins. It's hard to believe that someday I am going to be an adult (when that moment will come - I am not sure) and will have to get a real "adult" job. It's hard to believe that God has my entire future planned and I'm just trying to figure out what the heck is even going on. And I believe that I am okay with that. Believe, that's what it means to me.

The newest tattoo is on my right wrist. Contrary to popular belief, it is the perfect placement for me because I wear my watch on my right wrist. Maybe that's what has been wrong with me this whole time...I am not sure. I am right handed and I wear my watch on my right hand - let's get that out of the way. Anyway, the tattoo on my wrist says, "HE > i" and yes, the i is lowercased. It is supposed to be. You grammar Nazi's need to get over it. I wanted HE to be all caps because it literally means He is greater than I. And I think it's such a great reminder for me. He is greater than I. He will always be greater than me. Always. I tend to forget that He has the PERFECT plan for my life. I tend to forget that He is Almighty and amazing. I tend to forget that His grace is sufficient. SO - long story short - I decided on HE > i.

Thursday is my last day on the job and that practically means summer is coming to an end. I will be traveling to California for a week to spend time with my family. It's going to rock and then as soon as we get back, I am packing all over again and moving back on campus for my new job.

New jobs are crazy. Especially when it caught my COMPLETELY by surprise....

I am going to be a Resident Assistant.

HOLY MOLY.

There are not enough words in the dictionary to describe the feelings I have for the anticipation of this job. I am scared to death. I don't want my residents to hate me. I do not want to fail at this job. I suck at opening up to people and now I will have to (maybe) be the slightest bit vulnerable to them. WHY DID I GET CHOSEN? I ask myself that a lot. But I think and believe that God is going to work through these girls and work through me as well. At least...that's what I have prayed.

It's going to be a whirlwind of a year. I am only taking 13 hours but my days will be long. I will be going to class, going to observe classes at a local high school, I am involved in SAC, I will be assisting at every football game (if I told you with what - that would give the whole secret away...*hint hint*), Gamma Beta Phi Meetings, Interning at Coggin, Love Brownwood and having a social life on top of all of that. Some people (my mother) have expressed how hard this load will be but I am so excited.

This has been my life in a nutshell. Thanks for reading. Will update after California.