Binding Up The Wounds

Pain sucks.

I've experienced an enormous amount of pain in my life. From physical to emotional - surgery to death - I've experienced a lot compared to some 21 year olds. Yet, I feel like I haven't compared to others.

Tonight, I wanted to put pain in perspective. As a Christian, I find myself struggling with the weight of always wanting to be okay and wanting to be real. However, last year, if any resident was having a rough time and struggling with not being okay, I would simply say, "It's okay to not be okay." Yet, I can't seem to take my own advice.

My pain today is different. I watched someone I love dearly find out that someone that they love dearly was murdered. I didn't know pain until today. I didn't know what it was like to feel like your heart is being ripped out when the situation had nothing to do with me. I didn't know what it felt like to watch someone bawl their eyes out so hard that they are just out of it and done. I didn't know pain until today. 

It makes me think about my mom. My mom is an extremely incredible person. Yet, anytime I have been in pain she has always said that she feels it too. However, I never understood that/believed her. I basically lashed out any time she said that because there was no way that she was hurting like I was. Today, I apologized to my mom for being a terrible human being. Today, I understand and comprehend that pain beyond belief.

Then I think about Jesus and I can't imagine or fathom the amount of pain He endured while getting beaten on that cross. I will never have any idea. Yet, I see His sacrifice and love so much more now. I see that He truly truly truly wanted our sins to be paid for. I don't get it. I don't understand. And I sit here in unbelief that God could let something like this happen - I am reminded that sometimes, He's ready for us to come home. 

So here's to pain and all the joy that tomorrow brings.

Psalm 147:3

He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.

Katie Meets Her Husband: Derek Holland (Ron Washington was there too)

So...the past few days have been absolutely crazy and I am overwhelmed. Yesterday, one of my biggest dreams came true and I was about to meet a hero of mine, Ron Washington of the Texas Rangers.

So this is how that happened, I was cruising on Facebook one day and obviously I am the biggest Rangers fan so I obviously liked their facebook page. So anyway, I saw that they were having this banquet type thing that was happening and Ron Washington was going to be there. So I nonchalantly sent the link to my mom and asked if we could go. A couple of days later, we were sent the letter and it was official, I would be meeting Ron Washington AND Derek Holland.

Not only was this my Christmas present but it was also my One Year Anniversary celebration since I had my rib removed. It was such a cool way to celebrate.

We arrived at the Rangers Ballpark at 5:45 and there was only about 50 people were there. We waited for about 15 minutes for them to let us in and then we got to go into the stadium. Now, mind you, anytime i enter rangers stadium, I get the chills. It's one of my favorite places to be. But last night, I was overwhelmed by the grand awesomeness that it was. First, there were only 150 of us in the whole entire stadium. It was so surreal because we are use to at least 30,000. There were no crowds, no lines, and it was super quiet. Next, we into the Capital One Suite (talk about pretty stinking sweeet) and there was Ron and Derek standing there for pictures.

Now, I would like to pretend that i held myself together pretty well. I would like to pretend and say that i was calm cool and collected. However, unfortunately, i was not. I was absolutely freaking out and it was awesome. Ron thought i was precious. So we had our picture taken with them and Derek had some pretty awesome hair.



Then we had the best steak I have ever had in my life. And I have this problem where I don't eat steak...I usually will not touch it but last night, I did. And it was so good. Derek and Ron were interviewed and we were able to ask questions.

I asked Derek, "So uhm, is that like your natural hair? Because I've seen you on tv and your hair doesn't look like that? I'm just a little concerned."

And he answered, "This is actually my lego hair. No, just kidding. Yes, this is my real hair. I have naturally curly hair."

Which basically means that we are meant for each other. Our poor kids will have BIG HAIR ISSUES. It'll be fine. We don't have to talk about it.

It was a great night. I had the best time. It was a great ending to a horribly awesome semester. And an awesome way to celebrate the removal of my rib. Life is good. And Ron Washington is my favorite. Soon, you will all meet my fiancé, Derek.

One Semester Closer

So what does acupuncture, stress, friends and work have to do with anything? Mainly, it means that this semester is finally complete. And I passed Spanish 3 with a "B" which is some sort of miracle that I can't even explain.

This semester has been filled with some much joy that I can't even begin to explain. I have never clicked so quickly with three different girls in my life that made them my best friends. (Ashley, Kaiti and Mikayla -- if ya'll are reading this, I am so thankful for you)

I couldn't imagine a better friend than Allyson either. I am so thankful for her in my life. She has been there through thick and thin. She's the coolest. I would do anything for that kid.

This semester, I have finally decided what I want to do with my life so if I didn't accomplish anything else (which I think I might have), I have decided that I am going to pursue my masters in Student Affairs and become a Resident Director. I am stoked. For the past few months, I have been looking at this website that posts jobs for Higher Education jobs and it's awesome just to see the potential future that I could have. I feel that God has given me the passion to inspire people. And if I never become a Resident Director, I will be okay because I will inspire people some other way. And that just makes me super giddy and excited about life. God is pretty cool.

And shoutout to my mentor, Francie, who has pushed me to follow my dreams. And for being my friend even when I'm in a terrible mood.

Also this semester, I became way too overly involved. Which made my life that much more stressful and awesome. I have met so many different people and have gotten to work with so many different people -- it's been awesome. I've been mentored by some of the greatest people at HPU. I love it.

I also got the cool opportunity to be an RA this semester and will be one again next semester. Most days are simple. I get to hang out with my residents and take them out to eat or just talk about life. Other times, my life is so chaotic that I don't get to hangout with them as much as I would like. And that makes me feel like I suck at my job.

I like that in those moments of suckage that God shows me just how much I don't suck in His eyes. Those moments are golden and precious. I hold them close to my heart. He reminds me that I am unworthy of so much but that when He died for me, He thought that my life was priceless. He's so good to me.

There was heartbreak as well this semester. I watched people struggle with mental health issues and that hurt my heart. I watched myself struggle with self worth and not ever believing I was good enough.

God is cool though with reminding me that I (and all of his children) are His masterpieces. And He is never through making masterpieces out of us.

So, in conclusion. First semester of Junior year was hard. Not going to lie or butter it up at all. But I am one semester closer to following through with my dreams. I am excited and happy and stoked for the future and what the good Lord holds.

Life is good. Stress be gone.